Five

Hard to believe but Payton would've been 5 today. I can't believe it's been 5 years. Here's some of my thoughts from today:

• I'm so grateful we had her even for a little while. What a strong, amazing little person she was.


• I'm so grateful she's in heaven. Heaven is amazing (almost done with the book Heaven by Randy Alcorn - have about 20 pages left in the 475+ page book! ...been slowly working through it for, um, probably a year... It's a really good book.). Heaven is real. I'm going to get to see her there someday!


• This was the day I confronted one of my biggest fears - childbirth. And really, at that point, you have no choice.


• I don't know if this'll make sense, but I grieve what I didn't know was coming. I was so excited and optimistic. There was no warning, and honestly, I don't know that I'd have wanted to know ahead of time. I just would've worried about something I couldn't fix or control.


• Today was filled with unexpected gifts from the Lord. I can't go into all of it now, but He's so faithful to remind me of His goodness and kindness, His plan at work in my life. I'm humbled and blessed.

So thank you Jesus for our little girl. Thank you that she's with You. Thank you that I'll always be her mother and will get to spend eternity getting to know her in all the ways I didn't get to in this earthly life. Thank you for how You used her little life.