Good Day

Overall, I feel like Saturday was a good day. Most of you probably experienced the same 85 degree weather that we did (in October!). Aaron and I drove over to Pepin, WI which is about an hour away. It was a beautiful day to go, to look at the trees changing along the rolling farm landscape, and to be together. We went to Pepin because that's where the first Laura Ingalls book takes place, Little House in the Big Woods. They have a little museum in the town and a few miles outside of town you can see a reconstructed log cabin where the original was. So it was fun to see those things and be in one of the places from all the books I read to Payton. We also sat by Lake Pepin for a little bit and watched the sail boats and the fishermen. (I'll try to post some pictures, but I'm just too tired to upload them at the moment.)

Thanks for all your encouragement and prayers. In some ways it feels like it's been a year; in some ways it feels like it's gone really fast (and at times slow); and in other ways it's hard to believe it's been a year already. In the last weeks I've been reading the blog posts and comments from a year ago just retracing the steps we took. This has reminded me, overwhelmingly, of 2 things. 1. It was the Lord that sustained her and protected her for so long. He really just kept her and watched over her. 2. Wow did we have so many people praying alongside us and loving our girl. It's overwhelming just to reread things and remember. I still can't believe how he used Payton. The Lord endeared her to the hearts of so many.

I haven't posted much on grief here because it's been something that's so deeply personal to me, and a blog just doesn't feel very personal. There's been a few that have continued to love me and walk with me and pray with me on the journey, and I'm incredibly grateful for them... and grateful that they're still with me on the journey as it's not done. The best way I can describe the loss of a child (and this may or may not sound really dramatic, I just can't think of any other way to explain it) is it's like an amputation. A part of yourself is permanently gone, and now life is full of continued adjustments and reminders that that part of you is gone. And so you adjust and life begins to take on a new normal. And sometimes the adjustment is normal, and sometimes it just hits you in the face. But the Lord has been with us every step of the way. I truly don't know how someone walks through a significant loss without the Lord; He's been so faithful. So that's maybe a brief overview of the last year. I'll stop there for now. There's a few more things I'll update on later... Much love, the Joneses